(Cross-posted with Definite Ramblings.)As I was lying in bed this morning suffering from a bad case of insomnia, I decided to try my hand at writing again and so came up with the brilliant idea of a self-imposed deadline. "I just need a kick in the rear to get me going! Five pages a week oughta do it," was my reasoning. Should be a breeze, right? Wrong. Well, not exactly wrong, but not exactly right either. Let me clairify.
Those who know me know that for a few years I've been struggling to continue my short stories and failing miserably at it. I've tried explaining it away as lack of time, lack of privacy, and even extreme fatigue due to stress. Which is all true, actually, but I've come to believe the real reasons are that I'm lazy and afraid. I suppose lazy goes without saying - I can lounge anywhere at anytime and do it well - but the afraid bit? That one's a bit more difficult to come to terms with.
Of course I'll try though.
First thing that comes to mind is that old standby: Fear of Rejection. What if my writing sucks? Thoughts of being mocked isn't unreasonable. So this theory fits, of course, but it's pretty commonplace and doesn't explain my situation that well. I mean, I don't have to show anyone my writings, I do it by choice. Really. Because for some oddball reason I enjoy it when people read my stuff. Exhibitionist tendencies I suppose.
Second explanation then. Well... there went that idea straight out the window. Insomnia, remember? Right now my brain is mush from lack of sleep. The only thing keeping me awake and conscious is 'Strutter' blasting in my ears.
Let's face it. I'm both afraid of everything, and not afraid of much. I don't see what writing has to do with any of that. If I was on a crashing plane, I'm sure I'd be taking note of every sound and the way the wind blew through everyone's hair as we fell through the sky, the way the ground loomed closer with every second and shocked faces as people screamed in fear.
Hey, I should write that down; there could be a horror story in that.
What was the question again?Currently hearing: White Christmas - The Drifters
Currently consuming: generic pop
"I was running like an idiot, but at least I was armed." -Anita Blake
